7.13.2005

I'm with the Underpants Gnomes.

So, horror of horrors, I had to go to Wal-mart the other day. I detest Wal-mart. For many reasons, both political (they sell guns) and not-so-much political (think: very, very large people in tank tops with no bras; both men and women) I much prefer Target, where everything is color-coordinated, totally not overwhelming, and I can actually buy things other than kleenex and diapers without being ashamed to admit it.

"Hi, my name is Carolyn." ("HI, CAROLYN!") "There are dishes in my house that were purchased from Target, and I'm okay with that."

But I digress.

Anyway, I was at the Big Dubya, and my boy has outgrown his underpants. So, to the underpants section to pick out new ones. Today, it was to be Spidey and Scooby-Doo, both admirable choices.

We continue on our merry way, and I pass women's undergarments. (Is there anything more frightening than some of the women's undergarments available at Wal-mart? Talk about unmentionable.) I realize that I am running low on underwear without holes in them, so I browse the selection. Now, I'm well past picking out dainty silky little knickers from Victoria's Secret--that ended when I was pregnant the first time and my ass grew to the size of Rhode Island. (Small for a state, yes, but mammoth for one's ass size.) So into my cart go the 7-pack of Hanes cotton underwear. Comfort. Practicality. Zero sex appeal.

The boy is scanning the selection of underwear, deep in thought.

"Mom, why don't ladies have character underwear?"

Why not, indeed. At first I laughed, hysterically, probably not unheard of in this particular area of the store. Then I thought, that's a damn good question. Here are the character underwear I would buy if they were available:

First and foremost, U2 underwear. A four-pack, for obvious reasons. One pair per band member.

Entourage underwear, from the HBO program. I would like to have Ari's face on Rhode Island. The same goes for Six Feet Under. Nate, David, Keith, Ruth, the whole fam damily.

Perhaps you could buy the Hollywood Hottie value pack? Example: Colin Ferrell, Brad Pitt, Tom Welling (from Smallville), and Liam Neeson, because he just rocks. The list could go on and on. (Yeah, I included Brad Pitt. I'm not a Brad Pitt freak or anything, but you must admit, by any standard, he's just pretty damn nice-looking). I would just feel special wearing them.

This is really an untapped market. If I weren't already involved in the beginning stages of a small business, I would put together a business plan.

Phase One: Underpants.

Phase Three: Profit.

Days of the week underwear. As if.

1 comment:

Bad DIL said...

Oh, I would totally go in for U2 underpants.... But if the Hollywood Hottie pack includes Orlando Bloom, those will be my "that time of the month" panties.....