Mother, May I?

I have turned into my mother.

There have been little signs over the last few years, and we all know we're headed that way anyway, but finally, as John pointed out, the transition is complete.

We were visiting her for the weekend, and despite the fact that I had just cracked open a fresh, icy cold Bass ale for dinner, I decided to take a sip of her WineFromABox. Supposedly better wines are being sold this way now, because of the whole cork shortage. And By the Way, Is there anything less troublesome than A Cork Shortage?

"Oh NO! We're almost out of Cork! Call Bob Geldof--maybe he can stage a benefit concert!!!"

"Find...more...Cork...Let them know they don't have to drink their wine from bottles with screw tops..."

The usual suspects would be there...Bono (of course), Phil Collins, Madonna, sorry, Jacko--you're not allowed this year.

But I digress.

So anyway, I took a sip of her wine and said, "Hm, this isn't bad." My husband looked up at me, "And the transition is complete," and went back to grilling dinner.

Don't you find you're saying or doing things just like your mother? I do this all the time with the little ones in the house. We were trying to get out the door for a doctor's appointment, and I told the Boy to put his shoes on. Several times I had to say, "Put your shoes on. Put your shoes on." So he's walking around the house, not really looking, saying, "But mom, I don't know where they are." Meanwhile he finds his power ranger and sits down and starts playing with it. So, the speech comes.

"You NEED to LOOK for your SHOES. Look in the LIVING ROOM, look in the OFFICE, look in the KITCHEN, look in your ROOM. They are in the house SOMEWHERE, they didn't just walk away by THEMSELVES." I don't know if it was all the capital letters, but he scrambled up the stairs.

Halfway up, he stopped, looked over the banister at me, and said, "By the way Mom? When you said that the shoes weren't going to walk away by themselves? That was really funny," and headed up the rest of the stairs.

I'm his own personal comedian.

But I do hear those time-worn phrases come out and it's totally out of my control.

"Close the door--do you live in a barn?"

"Don't sit that close to the tv, you'll ruin your eyes."

"Did I ever tell you about the time I discovered wine, and nine months later, you were born?"

Oh wait, that last one is something I will NEVER say, because unlike my mother, I am aware of the many years of expensive therapy a comment like that could require. I'm still scarred.

Although, it's nice to have one in the bank in case of an emergency.

Fast forward 25 years. "Mom, can I borrow $10,000?"

"You know, did I ever tell you about our trip to Ireland in 2000? Man, we drank a lot of Guinness--it's so fresh over there. Hmm--you were born nine months later---funny!"

Embarrassed, horrified silence.

Hey--I'd rather withdraw that from the bank then ten grand.