I've heard of cutting off your nose to spite your face, but this is beyond my comprehension, even though I don't have the exact "eeyyyyyaaaagggghhhh-ow *double over and simultaneously shudder*" reaction that guys would.
"To prove how faithful I am now and in the future, I will cut off my dallywhacker! You will no longer have my John Thomas, but neither will any other woman have a whack at my wanker! No willy for me, don't know how I'll pee, but you'll soon see, you'll love me just for me!"
"Yeah, um, hon? I appreciate the poetic gesture, and all, you know? I mean that was really, like grand, and all, but, uh, that was a lot of blood. To be honest, I'm actually a little grossed out by that, so uh, even if they re-attach it successfully, I don't think I'll be able to get that image out of my mind. So, uh, if it's all the same to you, why don't we just call it a day? Maybe you can get a radio gig with John Bobbitt, or something. So...yeah."
Did he think he was in charge of his own destiny? That's a pretty drastic measure to prove one's faithfulness. Couldn't he just have said, "Hey lady, I'm not cheating on you. Here's some money for a private investigator so you can have proof."
Googling John Bobbitt actually yields many accounts of similar...unfortunate occurrences. Found much more frequently is the wife-cutting-off-of-the-member, as opposed to self-mutilation to prove a point. For example, this guy. Everyone has issues with their mates from time to time, but even in our most heated discussions, I have never once considered...uh...removal of the...y'know. It's not so much that the actual story is funny, but look where it happened.
What's the capital of Thailand?
Wait for it....
Wait for it....
BANGKOK! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!
The best part is at the end of the article, almost a footnote: "Thai hospitals, especially Bangkok's Police hospital, have achieved some fame for their high success rate with penis reattachment operations, providing they are carried out swiftly with all the parts in place."
Bangkok's hospitals have achieved some fame for penis re-attachment surgery? What more do I need to write about that? {insert own joke here}.
Coincidence? I think not. Do you think after they successfully re-attach, they all lock arms, stand around the patient and sing the Monty Python Song?
It never hurts to count one's blessings, after all.
Even the wee ones.
*hee hee snicker snicker* I've said before...I'm a 14-year-old boy, trapped the body of a 35-year-old mother of two.
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