So now you're up to date.

In light of the fact that the news world is buzzing about this topic, I thought I would weigh in. Isn't this what the blogging world is about? Normal, everyday people sharing opinions about important world events? So to break back into the blogger world, I have decided to come out of my self-imposed exile, to present you with this: the most important event in the world today.

Man Hides Sex Toys in Sausage.

So, this guy evidently didn't want to be judged for having sex toys and transporting them across international borders. Okay, I can see that. But he chose to hide them in a sausage? Isn't that redundant? Do you think the people who found them thought he might actually be incorporating the sausage into the sex toy reindeer games? Because....eeeeuuuuwwww.

Hey, is that a sausage in your sausage or are you just happy to see me?

What was his thought process? "I must disguise this phallic sex toy from the customs authorities...but how? Shall I slip it inside a sock? A plushie furry animal?" (that's another whole ball of freakwax, that's for sure.)

"Eureka! I shall incorporate it into my recently purchased sausages! No-one will ever think to look there!" No, I don't think they would, but was he still planning on eating the sausage after?

Guh. Forget I said that, it's just too skeevy to contemplate.

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So, yeah. How are you guys? Good, good, glad to hear it. Capt. Picklepants is a college graduate and Sassy has gotten her drivers' license, but otherwise same old, same old. I did think I might want to write about transitions, kids getting older, me weeping like a lunatic dropping Sassy off for her first day of preschool, but that seems to be the hot topic lately amongst some of my favorite bloggers, so I didn't want to be quite so mainstream. Also, I was too lazy. See also: sucky in comparison.

In order to bring you up to date, here are a few things that happened since I last wrote:

1. Easter came and went; I just threw out the rest of the candy yesterday.

2. Summer came and went. We went to Maine, had a blast, swam in our pool a lot, ate many popsicles, and (I) drank many margaritas.

3. School started. I cried. Then realized I get four whole hours to myself per week. Thought about hiding sex toys in sausages, just for fun. Decided actually accomplishing tasks around the house might be more productive. Also, less of a likelihood for me to make evening news.

4. Came across dildo-stuffed sausage story. Felt moved and compelled to write about it.

See? You really haven't been missing much. Oh, I also won Powerball and have done some redecorating: turns out barstools covered in whale foreskin aren't over the top after all. Now, dildos, wrapped in sausage, covered in whale foreskin? There might be a market for that.

And now that I've just thought of that, I'm so, so fearful that there is.