Hello? Is this thing on?


I know you're not used to seeing anyone around here, so I thought I'd take this opportunity to give you a good scare. HA! GOTCHA! Now I must blow the dust off this rickety old shack, because *DENISE THOMAS SUCKS AND TAGGED ME.

Not being a pantywaist, I must rise to the challenge and give my fan(s) what she (they) want(s). Okay, enough with the parentheticals.

So, I must share six unimportant things about myself? Wow. That's a tough one. I will SEE if I can come up with anything that qualifies as unimportant.

  1. I did not learn the rules of Paper, Scissors, Rock until about a year ago. I always just went along with the game, "Oh, damn I lost," I’d say, and assumed my opponent was being honest and would tell me if I won. My husband thinks this is highly amusing, and regularly challenges me to a game, because he knows he'll win.
  2. Though I am not an organized person on an everyday basis, my Christmas ornaments are put away with Martha-like precision. I think I was traumatized by treasured handmade ornaments melting and breaking over the 11 months they were in the attic as a child, because it was accomplishment enough in my house for my mom to take down the tree by Easter. Wrap them individually? That’s just stupidity. (She has eight kids, it’s a wonder she possesses any measure of sanity whatsoever at this point.)
  3. Speaking of my childhood, as the youngest of the Motley Eight of us there exists no photographic proof of my existence prior to the age of 6, where I guess I just started acting interesting enough for someone to take my picture. Much to my chagrin, my mother told me not long ago that “we took the pictures, we just never developed them,” adding just LOADS OF POSITIVE ENERGY TO MY SELF-ESTEEM. If you know me at all, you know this is not unimportant to me in the least, that I complain bitterly to anyone who will listen (which at this point is just my kids and only because they have to). However, I figured these topics should be unimportant to the reader, not the writer.
  4. I check my alarm 4 times every night before I go to sleep. Paranoid? Mmmmmm…maybe just once in awhile.
  5. I have a sugar canister with a wooden spoon which, no lie, was one of my favorite wedding presents. It was from Crate and Barrel, came with a bunch of other goodies, and probably cost all of $6. A few holidays ago, my brother did something unspeakable to the wooden spoon, thinking he was being funny. I had to throw it away because EEEEUUUUUWWWW GERMS ON A WOODEN SPOON. CANNOT STERILIZE. Now, I get a little bit irritated EVERY MORNING when I have to get a regular spoon from the drawer for my sugar. I have looked for a similar item and cannot find it.
  6. I’m 99% confident I will win PowerB$ll one day. This is my long-term investment plan. I think it’s pretty sound.

So there you go. I could write volumes on other unimportant items in my life, but I don’t want to lose my VAST readership. Keep it relevant, brief and witty, that’s what I say.

Who wants to play Paper Scissors Rock? Anyone?

Now, I tag...Donna, Natalie, and maybe I'll see if I can get Ruth to come out of hiding.

*Denise Thomas does not, in fact, suck at all. She’s very funny and manages to keep TWINS in one piece, for God’s sake. I’m just picking on her because she’s making me write for the first time in many moons. (by 'keeping the twins in one piece,' you understand I mean--separately. Just thought that needed clarification.)


donna said...

Well holy crap! I was so shocked to see your update in my Google Reader, I might have just peed myself.

Hope you are all well!

MereCat said...

That was fun! It was indeed as riotous as advertised! You should post more.

Kristin said...

Paintywaist is an entirely under utilized word. :-)

Denise Thomas said...

C- can't find email address. Computer issues yet afain. We are going to Ogunquit for one week and Drake's Island for one week. This will be our 4th year in Ogunquit but first time at Drakes Island. Am seriously worried there might be some murder-suicide event since we will be all together for two weeks straight. Not sure who the perp will be, however. Huge kudos for your alcohol enthusiasm!