Mad props to Ruth for re-joining the blogosphere. She has many a funny story to tell--encourage her to write more often so we can all laugh more. Cuz isn't that what the world needs now? Oh wait--that's love, sweet love. My mistake.
So speaking of that, have you ever wondered if, when you were in your mother's womb, you might have started out with a twin, but then for some inexplicable reason, the twin didn't make it and was absorbed by either your body or your mother's?
No? Then just watch In the Womb: Multiples on the National Geographic channel. The whole special is really groovy, and sciency, and technical-y, but then there's this thing. About how 1 in 8 people started out as a twin. Think of 8 people you know. Holy hairy lumps with teeth, Batman! One of them started out as a twin.
More information was divulged: there is a type of twin called a "mirror-image" twin, where they're facing each other during the pregnancy, and they have a tendency toward one being right handed and one being left. In some cases, a heart is slightly on the right side of the chest. Y'know, like would look if you were skinless and looking in a mirror. Duh. They said these are the most likely candidates for twin-banishing, as the phenomenon is called.
I look over at John and he's frozen. The look on his face is rather color-less, you might almost call it ashen.
My God. Did we just meet? Of course I know you're left-handed.
"Do you remember that when I was born, my heart was slightly on the right side?" Further facial color-drainage activity.
"Yeah, 1 in 8, honey. I guess you're that one. Maybe that twin is in that tiny lump on your neck. A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!"
May I introduce you to Melvin, the Neck Twin. Melvin likes pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain. He is not into health food, but he's into CLINGING TO MY HUSBAND'S NECK FOR THE LAST 34 YEARS! A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
And champagne. The lush.
John, his color returning to normal and being a guy, then pointed out that our next romp in the sheets would be like a threesome, what with Melvin the Neck Twin, and all.
Except the threesome would be with a guy. A hairy, teeth-filled little lump-guy, in fact. And THAT has turned my husband off to the idea of threesomes. For. Ev. Er. Thank you, Melvin.
Hopefully this whole mess won't end up like "The Dark Half" by Stephen King, where the ingrown twin really takes over and starts to act kinda nasty.
Maybe we should just keep giving Melvin pina coladas. Keep him drunk and clueless. Rather like I was when I met John.
Love, sweet love. That's what I'm talkin' about.