OMG...and one time? in this book I read?

I can be something of a book snob. Specifically, I internally pass judgment on adults who read books meant for teenagers. A few years ago, I started reading Harry Potter to my son, and I remember thinking, 'if I were a few years younger (a 'few' being preferable to saying 'more than twenty but less than thirty') I would have loved these books, read every single one thirty-seven times each, memorized them, and arrived at bookstores well before the midnight release of every single book in the series dressed like Hermione Granger (or maybe Harry--it was the gender-bending 80s, after all). Then I read my son the second one, then I read the third one myself. Y'know. To make sure it wasn't too scary for him.

And I sat up late every night, absorbed, unwilling to put it down until Harry had triumphed, yet again.

Thinking [hoping] this was an anomaly in my cherished reading list, ('JK Rowling may not be Hemingway, but she can tell a good story,' was my typical defense when someone asked if I was enjoying Harry's adventures) I thought nothing of it until I came across Twilight at TJ Maxx the other day. For $6.99. 'Seven bucks?' I thought to myself. 'I can spare seven bucks to see what kind of storyteller this woman is.' I'm fascinated by the author's story--a stay-at-home-mom who had a dream about a vampire, wrote the first book in three months, followed up with three more and has movie deals coming out of her ears.

I read it in three days.

Crow tastes good, especially if you add a little jerk sauce.

I think I was channeling my inner 15-year-old: feeling out of place, a little awkward, never dreaming that the hottest guy in school would want to date me, let alone pledge his undying, undead love for me and promise he will never, ever turn me into a vampire no matter how much I beg...

Okay, my secret's out. That whole vampire thing used to happen to me all the time. It must be my milky-white skin that attracted them.

What I'm most embarrassed about though, is not that I read it, or enjoyed it, or literally devoured it in a few days. What I'm really embarrassed about is that I'm seriously considering going out right now to get the second one, to see if Edward really did turn Bella into a vampire (I don't think he did), or if her father's old best friend, Billy the native american, spills the truth about Edward being a vampire (I think maybe he does but Charlie doesn't believe him) and for the love of bloodsuckers, DO THEY EVER GET PAST THE KISSING STAGE?????

Sweet merciful cupcakes. I need to go read Great Expectations or something. Next thing you know I'll be listening to the Jonas Brothers, painting my nails blue and texting in code.

The vampire magnetism. It beckons.


Lady Liberty said...

I had to go back and re-read this one because I just read all four... last week.

I had to sit Anna Karenina on the bedside table just to make me feel better.

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