Twinkie Swimming

Captain Picklepants is home from school today, with the beginning of the chest cold I'm already knee-deep in. See also: up to my chest. So we picked Sassy up from preschool and as we passed a delivery truck with a snackie cake graphic on the side, he commented, "I'd sure like to buy that truck, but I'm guessing they'd take all the twinkies out first."

Suddenly I was 10 years old again, yearning for the junk food my mother would never buy.

"Can you imagine," says the only adult member of this party, "if you had a swimming pool filled with unwrapped twinkies, like thousands of them, and you got to just dive in, and swim amongst the twinkies?"

Delighted, my children ran with this idea. "Right, that'd be awesome! And you'd be naked and just roll around in them!"

"...?..."

He quickly realized the flaw. "Okay, maybe not naked, because, well, that's gross." No! "But you could wear a bathingsuit so it would be a little cleaner."

"That would be better. But what about your hair? No-one wants hair in their food."

"Good point! You could wear a shower cap. And maybe more of a scuba suit so your germs wouldn't get out. That's much better. A scuba suit and a shower cap. But you'd need your mouth open so you could eat the twinkie cream. Uuuhhhhaaaallgghhh..." Does a frighteningly accurate Homer Simpson impression, despite never having seen the show. Then continues:

"But, imagine if you could actually swim inside the twinkie? Like if you were a super-small guy from Super Mario Bros., and you could fit inside the hole and swim in there? Awesome."

"It could be an Olympic swimming event! Twinkie swimming!" Now I'm totally caught up in it. "We could line up the twinkies like lanes in a pool, and say, On your marks, get set, GO! And they'd all dive into the twinkie holes, and when they came out, they'd be like, urgh! I'm so full!"

Then we all sat there in silence for a minute, comtemplating. Visualizing.

"Olympic Twinkie Swimming," says he. "That would be so AWESOME."